Friendships of Character: Moral Enterprise

Friendship is like water. We can be immersed in it and yet we don't think much about it. We take it for granted. We forget the blessings that come to us because it is there and available to us. We forget its potential for both giving and receiving. Count your blessings and notice how many of them are tied to friendships.

Just this weekend I encountered an article by Daniel Costelo in The Asbury Journal (Spring 2009, Vol. 64., N0.1) that portrayed friendship as a "moral category." In it Costelo suggests three levels of friendship: (to both closely paraphrase and quote Costelo) 1) Friendships of Utility - the good sought is the usefulness of the other person in a given situation for a certain purpose; 2) Friendships of Pleasure - when the fancy of another creates longing and interest; and 3) Friendships of Character - based on the good, they last. They are more enduring than the first two types, because what binds the friends together endures, namely the character or moral goodness of each participant involved. Costelo goes on to say - "These people's friendships last as long as they are good; and virtue is enduring." Costelo quotes Paul Waddel - "By spending time together with people who are good, by sharing and delighting with them in our mutual love for the good, we are more fully impressed with the good ourselves . . . Friendship is not just a relationship. It is a moral enterprise." (Friendship and the Moral Life, Notre Dame, 1989).

This resonates with me. I think of what it is that has given me a strong quality of life down through the years. Hands down, it is friendships within my immediate and extended family; friendships within a circle of friends who are as close as immediate family; friendships in the work place that extend well beyond the work; friendships literally around the world that are so easy and comfortable to pick back up in spite of long periods of inactivity, like the wonderful reunion I had with my college roommate this past year after not seeing each other for more than thirty five years. I am reminded once again of how God uses the social/spiritual ecology of friendships to shape us into his image, of how he uses human agency as a means of grace to form us into the moral beings, how he shapes the clay of our lives after his likeness which he intends us to be and to become.

In my personal opinion, Costelo and Waddel are right. Beyond friendships of utility and pleasure, friendships of character are moral enterprises. God is at work in and through us as we seek to establish and maintain meaningful, lasting, loving friendship with the Lord Our God and with each other. What a privilege. What a blessing!