One of the booming topics in our culture today is relational intelligence. Magazine articles and books now abound on the topic. In short, there is more to intelligence than IQ. The intellectually brightest can be a disaster relationally. Who among us has not had social blind spots and a major embarrassing social faux pas. For me, its especially when I struggle to relate to with others in another language, but it is more than that. Social psychologists say "behavior engulfs our perceptual field." Translation: what we are highly engaged in tends to put blinders on what we see. We miss the non-verbal cues and affective responses of those with whom we are working and living, because we are so focused on the task at hand. We may be brilliant in solving the problem, but totally ignorant of the diminished quality relationships that are so important to sustained progress and success.
The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Colossians (3:11-17) has some wisdom to share about relational intelligence:
"In this new life (with Christ), it doesn't matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
"Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the Father."
Relational intelligence has much to do with love which comes from Christ. Such love "binds us together." Paul is saying - in love, give yourself permission for "the peace that comes from Christ" to rule. Remember Christ's words (read them in the four Gospels; start with John 15) and "let" them "live in your hearts and make you wise." Relational intelligence!
Paul starts chapter three of his letter with these words - "Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven . . . Let heaven fill your thoughts." Heaven's focus is on us, on others, a focus of love. Paul elsewhere said - "The love of Christ compels us." Relational intelligence does not lose its focus on others. It honours the other remaining focused on and concerned about the other. We are not alone striving to do better on our own. The love of Christ in us is the source of our relational intelligence.
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